In the photography industry I find a lot of photographers talking about being yourself and putting yourself out there so you repel and attract the type of clients you want to hire you.  Well, lately, I find myself getting lost in all the details, all the expectations I put on myself, and trying to dance to the beat of my own drum rather than joining the huge, huge choir of thousands of other photographers doing the same. exact. thing.

So today, as I sit in the quiet of my own home after a long (oh so long and tiring and long) morning of trying to figure out what my daughter needs in order to get back on a regular napping schedule.  She’s strong willed, and believe me it’s in the best of ways and I’m happy for it, but she (sometimes) will. not. just. go. to. SLEEP.  Ahem, ok.  (can you tell it’s been a long day) Where was I?  Oh ya, so I’m sitting here pondering the fact that I WANT to share bits of myself, here and in this space and not to mention in a way that I can feel proud and genuinely represented.  I keep thinking and thinking and thinking of the best way to go about getting started – which then results in me doing absolutely nothing.  No good.  So my advice to myself came somewhere within me today.  Just. Start. Writing.

As a side note, this reminds me a lot of when Jordan and I were starting somewhat from scratch with the style of our home.  We had just gotten married, spent 6 days honeymooning in Philadelphia (Jordan surprised me for the honeymoon and picked THE BEST location, in my book) and then another 5 or so days in Milwaukee at a wonderful little bed and breakfast.  After the honeymoon we flew back to Colorado Springs (where I grew up and where we lived before the wedding) and three days later we drove our car, packed-to-the-brim full and moved to Madison, WI to a cute little flat on Winnebago St on Madison’s east side.  Because we had just moved AND didn’t want to spend a ton of money moving AND because we mostly got money for our wedding (per our implied request) we came with very very little (mostly our clothes, some linens and blankets, and the kitchen stuff I had been saving up).  So, what I’m trying to get at is that we didn’t have much and I was excited, nervous, and anxious to start creating our home space into a place I enjoyed coming home to every day.  Now, Jordan and I are very much thrifty people.  I am a complete sucker for road side and thrift store finds.  We are not (NOT) Pottery Barn people.  It could be nice to have a home furnished with the nicest things from Pottery Barn but my soul would probably die a little because I need quirk and charm around my home.  So, why was I nervous and anxious?  Because, I’d find things I like and would piece things together and at first I majorly questioned myself and my taste level.  I worried our home would end up not representing us well.  I worried our home would look like a thrift store before long and wouldn’t have a coherent style but again my advice to myself was just to start, only choose items Jordan or I loved, and never look back.  Turns out, it totally and completely worked!  Our house is beautiful, and quirky, and unique.

If the point wasn’t understood, I’m trying to just tell myself to start blogging and do it my way with no regard to how other photographers are doing their thing.  And for goodness sake, I need to remind myself to simply just not worry about this place being a place I love since I hope to only share things here that are fully and genuinely me.

Now that I have that off my chest.  Here’s to fresh starts and being unashamedly me.  And a few photos of our Christmas decorations in our home and friends/family gatherings this past christmas.  (see – no regard to what others think, or I clearly wouldn’t post christmas decoration photos on my blog in February).

What am I going to want to remember about my daughter and my small family 20 years from now?  What are the photos I will pull off the shelf and search for in an album when I want to remember how small she was, the face she makes when she’s blowing raspberries, that toothless grin, or the way I love how she points at everything.

Here’s a little glimpse of my personal project I’ve been working on in order sharpen my photography skills during this time that I am focusing most of my time and energy into one little being.  I’ve taken one (or 2 or 30) photo(s) almost every day since her birth.

and, in case you didn’t see it (because I forgot to mention it on here…  oops), my Daily Life with Jolie photos were featured on a wonderful blog Let The Kids Dress Themselves a while back.  Here’s a screen shot!  Check it out if you haven’t already!

This one little girl is the light of my life.  She was born on March 20th at 11:20pm.  7 lbs and 7 oz and 20 inches long.  Now almost 8 weeks later she is over 9 lbs and 20 1/2 inches long.  She braved her first flight this past week – or I should say, I braved my first flight alone with a newborn (on Mother’s Day no less) and came out alright.

I’ve been so behind on my blogging and haven’t even blogged some of my favorite sessions from last year (shame on me!) but do intend to get caught up soon.

In the meantime, I’m here in my hometown of Colorado Springs, CO preparing to photograph two weddings in one weekend.  This will mark the end of my maternity leave that I declared to take and the longest I will have been away from Jolene.  While you wait for wedding photos and for me to get caught up on this blog check out my sweet daughter.

Just recently I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of these questions:  Do I really see?  What am I really seeing? One of my favorite messages I’ve ever heard spoken was all based around this premise that everyone longs to be seen, heard, and known.  It starts with the seeing and if you’re really seeing someone then you will hear them whether they are using their mouth to speak to you or their body language.  To see is also to hear one would say.  Then taken a step further love is shown by knowing someone and you can’t really know them until you’ve seen or heard them right?  If I see my husband and hear what he’s telling me day in and day out then I am going to know him and react to that accordingly.  For my husband – knowing him and loving him meant getting rid of our tv and minimizing most (if not all) luxuries so that we could have the one luxury of eating good, organic, and local food.  It’s not so much of a sacrifice anymore because I love him.  I’ve seen, heard, and known what gives him life and I’m willing to get rid of those things that honestly don’t give me life so that I can love him well.

So in thinking all this through I’ve been searching for something outside the photography world to bring inspiration to love wildly, live simply, and enjoy others more and I am sort of shocked at what I’ve found!  Yes, there are some photographers I love and will follow but the used to be list of about 30 has now dwindled to about 5 and instead I’ve found real life going on – people sharing their experiences, difficulties, and joys.  It’s so refreshing.  Lately one blog that has my complete and utter attention is one that a father began writing when he was not yet quite a father.  He began writing an honest and bold account of the journey of he and his wife trying to get pregnant, then having the baby, and life before, after, and in between.  There are others also and one might say I’m only stuck on these blogs because I am now expecting my first child myself (yay!) but I say – I’ve always loved family, life, and real moments so pregnant or not I still would have loved finding this blog.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how we want to raise baby and what kind of parents we want to be and what kind of household we want to be.  I imagine creativity encouraged, opening our home to lots of people, learning to be free to be more ourselves each day, and loving wildly!  Only time will tell and honestly I don’t even think I’m giving you complete thoughts so that you the reader can make sense of this.  This is on my mind lately – so, on that note I’ll give a short preview of the Markofski girls.

2011 current/future clients:  Due to the pregnancy I will not be accepting any weddings (unless you happen to be my younger brother) for 2011 until June in order to offer time for baby to enter the world and the two of us to adjust.  I will be scheduling engagement sessions this fall and after the baby is born depending on how well I can still move around and get the shots I need and how I am feeling.  Please take note as this may affect availability for engagement sessions.